When you are depressed.
Realize that this situation you’re going through is not all YOUR fault. It’s also other people’s fault. Externalizing the blame will help you get out of the depression phase, and possibly move you to anger… which is good news! Just create a list with all the people and conditions that are to blame…Don’t you feel a little better in doing so? Exactly, that’s relief, and it’s a necessary step if you want to get out of this dark situation you’re in. You see, being angry is one step higher than being depressed. Then, once you’re angry, you can work on softening your feelings. Alternatively, if you can get yourself off the bed where you wallow in your pain, and actually exercise, then try it! Did you know that exercising is as capable as Zoloft in curing depression? Not yet exercising? Your luck might change if you try Exercise Bliss, a step by step video program that helps you become a consistent exerciser even if you lack the motivation to exercise.
When you are angry.
Your goal is to move to frustrated, which is still angry but not too angry. Realize that if the other people who made you angry knew any better, then they would have done it. Plus, the situation that caused your anger was not even really about you. Other people project how they see the world on you. Did your colleague just tell you that your glasses look awful? Don’t be surprised if they are judging themselves for their glasses, or if they’re really judgmental about their appearance. Their view on your glasses is connected to what they believe about themselves. Let’s see another example: “I’m angry at myself for having allowed to become so fat. How did I do such a thing?” Now, moving to frustrated… “Well, what can I do about that? What’s done is done. I know it sucks, but I also know I cannot change the past. I can only work with what I have right now.” Got it?
When you are worried about the future.
Worry means you’re focusing too much on things you can’t control. You can’t control the weather, or other peopel’s reactions, but you can control your actions. So you could spend tons of time worrying whether you’ll get more clients, instead of actually doing what you can control—finding clients! Focus on what you can control. Don’t devote your valuable resources to things you cannot control. And if you need extra resources to make this happen, this video will make you a beat-worry ninja.
When you are overwhelmed.
In one word, simplify. Do less. Aim for less. First, clear your thinking. It’s an absolute necessity to eliminate tasks from your to-do list, or postpone some of the tasks for another day. Go through your to-do list and ask yourself: “Do I absolutely need to do this today?” Now, another reason we’re overwhelmed is that we have too many choices. For example, when picking what to do professionally, but having too many passions, then what do we do? Watch NYT best-selling author Ramit Sethi nail this question in this video:
When you are envious.
First, accept that feeling envious showcases a desire of yours straight in your face. For example, if you’re envious of rich people, it’s because you want to get rich too. Admit it. Second, wish those people the best. No, they were not “lucky”. Or, it’s none of your business to decide whether they were worth it or not. Finally, focus on yourself. You just realized you have a desire big enough that causes you to feel envy. Time to start planning how to get there? Exactly. Get into action and the envy will be gone.
When you are desperate.
Feeling desperate shows you have created momentum that emphasizes the gap between where you are and where you want to go. So for example, if you are currently 180 pounds but want to drop to 140, you might feel desperate if you have spent enough time thinking that you are 40 POUNDS AWAY FROM YOUR GOAL. You need to take it easy. Detach. Focus less on what’s left and more on what you have already achieved. The moment you start focusing less on the gap between where you are and where you want to go, you’ll feel better immediately.
When you are guilty.
Wherever there’s guilt, there’s also a “should” you are not following. So if you believe you should exercise, but don’t, then you’ll feel guilty. If you believe that good people don’t cheat, but you do, then you’ll feel guilty. Guilt is evidence you are not conforming to one of your “shoulds”. Your first task is to discover what that “should” is. Your second job is to examine whether you should keep that “should” or toss it. Or, maybe you need to tweak it. Maybe you are “enough” no matter your flaws and shortcomings. The overcoming guilt technique shows you various examples of how you can deal with guilt effectively. Do you you have any tricks and tips for managing your emotions? I’d love to know. Leave a comment below and share your wisdom.
