“He just never listens to me!” “She doesn’t talk to me when she’s angry!” “I just feel like we argue all the time.” Guess what? You might need to develop your communication skills with your significant other.
Nobody Can Get Along with Another Person 100% of the Time
Spending a lot of time with another person increases the possibility that you two will not always agree with each other. Remember, that’s normal. Nobody can get along with another person 100% of the time. But these disagreements can easily turn into arguments if you don’t work on improving your communication skills.
All Relationship Problems Originate with Bad Communication Skills
Having good communication skills increase your chances of having a happy, fulfilling, and successful relationship.[1] If you both work together toward improving your communication skills, your relationship will begin to grow and develop in ways you didn’t think possible before. Remember, all relationship problems originate with bad communication skills.[2] To get you started, let’s take a look at some of the most common communication pitfalls in relationships and tricks you can use to achieve improved communication skills.
4 Deadly Communication Pitfalls You Must Avoid
Letting your emotions take over.
When you get into a disagreement with your partner, it can be easy to let anger work its way into the conversation. Susan Heitler, PhD and couples psychologist, says, “The hotter you get, the more likely it is that you’ll race full speed ahead down the criticism and blame road.”[3] How many times have one of your disagreements turned into you blaming them for something?
Using blaming language.
While talking to your partner, if you begin a statement with “you always”, it sets the conversation up for an argument and makes the listener think you don’t want to work as a team.[4] This is because your partner will automatically become defensive, expecting to be blamed for something.
Listening to respond instead of listening to understand.
If you find yourself thinking of how you’re going to respond to what your partner is saying, you’re far more likely to interrupt them. Interrupting your partner lets them know that you don’t really care about what they have to say. [5] And this obviously won’t end well.
Avoiding difficult conversations.
Maybe there’s a specific topic that the two of you can never discuss without an argument. You assume that the best thing to do is to avoid the difficult conversations, so you two avoid a heated discussion.
Only 4 Tricks Are Needed To Make A Change
Give yourself a brief moment of silence.
If you feel yourself getting angry or you catch yourself criticizing your partner, take a step back from the conversation. You need a moment to think and maybe even get away from your partner for a few minutes. If neither of you can calm down, consider having the conversation at a later date. Emotions do not allow for healthy communication skills.
Use “I” statements and “we” language instead.
Make your feeling or thoughts clear and present them in a non-critical way by using “I” statements.[6] Saying something like “I feel” or “I worry” is much better than “you did X”. Also, remind your partner that you view your relationship as a team by using “we” language to be more inclusive.
Stop interrupting and be aware of the body language.
It’s more than that, though. It’s easy to wait for your turn to speak. Instead, try to really understand what they’re saying. Paying attention to their body language and facial expressions can help you really understand the point that your partner is trying to make.[7]
Talk about everything. Literally.
Confront the awkward conversations and difficult topics. Having a healthy, long-term relationship means being able to deal with everything together, as a team. The more of these uncomfortable discussions the two of you can have, the more confident and trusting you’ll feel in your relationship.[8] In the end, working on improving your communication skills with your partner will give you a much healthier relationship. A relationship where the two of you can focus on growing as individuals and as a team.
