It became very obvious that if I was going to work for myself, I had to change a few things. It’s clear that the extent of success is the ratio of good and bad habits you have in life. It was an easy way to double check if I was headed in the right direction. It sparked a deep desire I had to learn all I could about habits, how to create, break, and change them! It led me down the world of discovery, how we as humans are made up of so many habits, smaller ones, bigger ones, dangerous, harmless and weird and why we form them. The truth is that we are constantly looking to create a habit out of anything we do; it is the way our mind is wired. So we need to be very aware of the habits we decide to take on, because remember that we have so many types, you might not even realize you are harming your results. We have obvious habits and we also have underlying hidden habits that undermine our success, confidence and happiness every time. Working with many clients for different challenges there always seems to be one sore point that creates it all: a lack of confidence. This slowly poisons the mind and your results, and many people can’t understand why they feel so bad about themselves. Confidence and habits feed off each other.
Here are the two hidden habits that will hinder your success:
What does that even mean?
Not following through on your word:
Think about the last time a friend, family, colleague or loved one let you down, they said they were going to do something and they didn’t. How do you feel about other people when they don’t follow through on their word? What do you think you are thinking about yourself then? When you say you are going to do something and then you follow through on your word and you do it – whether it is waking up at 6:00am, picking up that phone or doing that favor for a friend, you build your confidence. You stick to your word; you respect your promises. Every time you say you are going to do something and you don’t, you lower your confidence, without even realizing! Setting goals and not following through or taking action. Promising yourself you will do something and you just don’t. Ask yourself honestly: How many things to do you say to you yourself that you are going to do and you never take action on? How many times have you set yourself a small goal, but then not risen to the challenge? Success requires staying true to your word, being authentic. To everybody, but especially yourself! If you know you are going to find it difficult to follow through on something, adjust the commitment. Be careful, confidence is a key ingredient to having success in any area of life; so don’t sabotage yourself indirectly with false words and commitments.
Habitually not being congruent with yourself:
Everyone wonders what is the key to achieving goals and what you want in life and it’s almost impossible to reduce it to a set formula, but if we had to, I think it would look something like this: Setting the right goals, with the right actions and habits, with the right mindset – consistently. If any part of this equation is out of alignment, you will find it hard to reach the goal! That is the story for most people. If you have the right goals, and you take the strategic actions to reach it but your mindset is not aligned, guess what, you will find it hard to reach your goal. And vice versa. What comes up is a lot of incongruences and therefore mixed results. Your habitual way of doing things isn’t working. Let’s say that you lack confidence in doing something, but you really want to do it because you know it will be good for business. Because you lack confidence in that area, you take actions from a place of being less confident, because that is how you feel, it might even start to become a habit. By being less confident you are being congruent with your limited belief about how you think you are and of course, you are going to feel horrible about yourself. But it is double-sided, there is also another part of you that knows you can be confident in doing that thing, and so when you find yourself listening to your less confident voice, you feel horrible too because you are not being congruent with the part of you that knows you can be confident. So it’s like a vicious circle you don’t even know you are playing in.
What are the most important take aways?
Remember that you might be blind to your biggest areas of growth and harming your results unwillingly. Change your story around today! Live by your own words and be congruent with who you know you can be!
