And it’s true, your life did stop and you did suffer a tragedy. But no matter how helpless and alone you feel right now, life will begin again and it will get better – as soon as you learn to let go.
“Everyone’s allowed to be in love with the wrong person at some point. In fact, it’s a mistake not to be.” – Harriet Evans
You thought you met the love of your life. The two of you spent your free time snuggled up in bed, dreaming about the future, about getting married, and making a home. Then one day, all of the small problems, once simple annoyances, become too much to bare. The two of you agree on a breakup and you’re left with all the pain of putting the broken pieces back together. But, breaking up is about so much more than moving on and healing. It’s the opportunity to learn about yourself and to understand the root of your relationship’s problems, so you learn to practice self-love. It’s just like physical injury. The injury, the pain – it always has a root cause. Figure out the root cause so you can prevent it from happening in the future. [1] Love yourself, recognize your needs.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
Let’s be very clear about something – divorce does not mean that you give up on your marriage or on your family. Nobody enters marriage thinking of the end. People get married as the ultimate confirmation of love, it’s the promise to build a life together and to grow together. But sometimes, life doesn’t work out the way we planned. As Crystal Jackson so eloquently put it, “At a certain point, we realize that the sink is shipping… So, yes, we get off the damn ship and start looking for a lifeboat – a whole new life.” [2] That’s not failure, that’s accepting the truth and choosing a better life. You can’t make a relationship work by yourself. Recognizing that and choosing yourself, that’s self-love and survival.
“Happiness cannot thrive within the prison of obligation.” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Take a minute to assess your current relationship. Why are you in it? Be honest with yourself. Is it out of happiness, love, and want? Or is it out of need or obligation? Because if you have any sense of obligation, that’s likely to turn into resentment in the future. Why? When you feel obligated to stay, you are effectively limiting your power of choice. [3] Do yourself a favor, practice self-love. It’s time to move on and start your life anew.
“Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary.” – Oscar Wilde
Don’t accept the idea that what you have now is good enough, that it can never be better. Especially not if the relationship is full of lies and distrust. You stay because you’ve grown comfortable with good enough, with the ordinary. You’re settling for less and you deserve more. Settling for good enough might mean that you think you don’t deserve happiness. [4] It’s time to take on some difficult decision making, build up some motivation, and work toward self-love through self-improvement. You are worth a happy life and that will only begin when you let go of the past.
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe
Making big mistakes, losing your optimism, and hitting rock bottom – these are the things that will lead you to happiness. Tragic moments allow us to reflect on our wants and needs, paving the way to change. The mistakes we make in love lead us to the right person in the future – the true love of our life. [5] Let go of the negativity, focus on self-love and positivity.
